Things that Make Me Unhappy

text book

 Midnight calls: I really hate when those calls disturb my sleeps.

Annoying people

People don’t show up on time when agreeing to meet. Basically, I don’t like “lateness” in any forms.  

Having no foods in the fridge: this rarely happens since I usually stuff my fridge with enough food.

Being sick.

Being broke.

Being in the mall during the weekend -just too many people in there.

Partying with too many people. I’d prefer small parties with special people.

 Reading text-books. Hahahahaha... text books just make me sleepy and headache.

Unable to sleep at night. I was sort of night person and had bad insomniac. It’s really painful to wake in the morning.

What else? Uhhmmm… I hope, I have no more! 

Things to Make Me HAPPY

Lamb Korma
Bai Chai Restaurant, Kansas City, MO

OK let's get started! The first rule of this game is listing things that make me happy. Here you go:

1. Food --->food is always comforting. They calm all nervous and anger. Compared to other kind of foods, I love home-made foods because they are cheaper and (likely) healthier. I like a real food much better than fake food (read: I'd prefer "heavy" food rather than "snack" food.

2. Traveling --->being a stranger in strange places could take me to incredible experiences and it is priceless, like what a French writer, Collette, has written: "I'm going away to an unknown country where I shall have no past and no name, and where I shall be reborn again with a new face and untried heart..." Well, most people consider traveling as expensive, could not agree more! But somehow, there are ways to make traveling is less expensive. Most of the time, I spend my money on gasoline and tickets rather than on material things. No Good? Yeah, I know, but I can't resist the temptation.

3. My mom's cooks ---> My mom is not the best cook in the world. She never be able to cook weird food recipes or makes modification. Her kitchen only produces traditional foods. Indeed, she never tries to upgrade her ability. Since I was a little till nowadays, we never have new menu on the table. Her foods taste just standard. But for me, they make me so happy. Those things that I want to eat whenever I pay for visits. I never want to eat out during those visits. Her best speciality is pecel. :)

4. Getting a postcard --->You may say that I'm an old school type person, ahhh.. I don't care! I love sending and receiving postcards from friends all over the world. Although postcard are usually written with a brief text like “Hey, I’m in Venice and weather is nice” but it never fails me to imagine the ambience when the person who sent it wrote it. Also, they never fail me to smile and laugh. During traveling, each time I stop in a city, I was so busy to find a letter box to drop them. 

5. Grocery Store Hopping ---> You know, I don't like clothes shopping. They make me headache. I never spend too much time to buy clothes. But, I can spend more time in grocery store. Grocery store just makes me so happy with the smell of fruits, vegetables, cheese, deli, and everything inside.

6. Talking to Friends over Foods à Friends and foods just get so well together.

7. Waking fresh in the morning ---> nothing better than this. It makes my day!

8. Cooking---> I love cooking even though my cook turn out to be horrible. Hahahahah.

9. A smile à A smile is magic. I used to tell my friends, “smile, even though shit happens!” Well, if shit happens, I don’t usually smile, but laugh it loud! I love to laugh at my own stupidity.

10. A hug --->  I like giving hug or be given a hug. I know the magic power of a hug. It can calm down nervous, like food.

11. Listening to Iron and Wine ---> his songs are so shooting, just bring inner-peace. I love to listen to them days and nights. What are my favorites? Off course Trapeze Swinger, Southern Anthem, Her Tea Leaves, and many more.

12. Reading ---> yeah, it’s an absolute pleasure. But to tell you the truth, I exclude all kinds of text books.

13. Done with school ---> When I was done with my undergrad and busy working, I did pray to have a chance to go back to school. Yes, I love school since it offered me with lots of knowledge, new friends, teachers, networks, etc. However, the reading assignments and essays were hurting and too much.

14. Being with family ---> Like Ling McNamara has written, “Honey is sweet, so is family” Well, I don’t need to explain this phrase.

15. Recalling stupid things happened ---> like buying “unsalted salt” when in fact I needed salt! Or, read bus Number 04 as 40!

16. Remember when falling in love (one time or more in life) ---> like seeing his glittering eyes, looking at his dimples, etc. Sweet isn’t it?

17. Taking a long walk ---> Walking is not only to help us exercise, but I usually get so much idea while walking. In general, I love exercises. Hell, they make me happy as they produce endofrin.

18. A cup of a coffee ---> It was! I’m trying to give it up due to medical reasons.

19. Fall! I do love fall. It's my favorite season all the year. It's really pretty to see all trees turn to reddish, yellowish, and brown. 

20. Beautiful sunset ---> I'm a sunset hunter! during my stay in St. Louis, I'm well-known as a person who loved to take pictures SUNSET! 

What else? I’m gonna add if I find more and more! 

The Idea of the Happiness Project

Gretchen Rubin's book. 

I was intimidated to make my own "Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. Well, I read her book based on her project yesterday - I spent the whole day read and skimmed it. Easily digest and inspiring! I found this book in one of second-hand bookstore in Charleston this Spring. I was in town during my deep-down-to-the-low-country road trip with Katie. I did not intend to buy this book because we went in that store for some board games. Along with this book, I bought Sedaris' "Naked".

But I guess it would be a little bit different -as Gretchen has written, it's unique to each individual, including myself. We'll see. 

But the most important thing I get to ask myself is, "Will I commit to this project?" I should answer "YES". I will COMMIT 100 percent - but I'm not promising to update everyday. But I'm curious myself about how this project will work and will impact myself -if any, considering the fact that I'm less happy and easy going these last few years -there are 

Just thing about that this project would be written in Indonesian and English -depending on my mood. :) 

When this project will start? Well, I'm thinking to start right away - I don't want to wait till January 2013 to start even though it's two weeks away. ASAP -as soon as possible. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow -considering I'm so procastinated in many points. :)) 

But well, I'm trying to be happier again! Although the level would be so much different! 

Body, Mind, and Soul

Eva, my pink bike in St. Louis

For some people – my family and some good fellows – found the fact that I’m having hypertension was quite shocking news. Among family and friends, I was known as a person, who exercises regularly and eats properly. In addition, I’m a semi-vegetarian for the last two years (I avoided red meat and chicken). I always picked the best foods I could get. Everyone around me always teased me as “ a person who always eat healthy foods, while others eat craps - J

I like extreme sports:

I ran a few miles almost everyday (when the weather was nice). Even I was planning to run in marathon.

I biked a lot (you can imagine biking from Mansion Hill to school, it felt like biking from one hill to another).

I did some weightlifting. I did aerobic.

St. Vincent Greenways

I walked a lot – I walked everywhere. And my farthest track was 12 miles in one day!

Well, I used Pedometer on my Ipod to count how many steps I ran or walked (then I converted into miles), I posted on daily miles sites what I got at last. I would happily see how many calories I could burn in one day. I was so obsessed of being healthy all the time (it’s impossible, normal people got sick although I did not get any sick in St. Louis for two years). I loved doing these stuffs since my house was surrounded by two bike and running trails: Ted Jones and St. Vincent Greenway.

I started to exercise regularly in 2007 when I found out that I was almost 60 kg and my body was so heavy. I got so exhausted easily. I felt my body system was so wrong. I told myself: “Hey, you need to do something (read: exercises) before it’s too late”. Since my father got stroke when he was so much young, I was afraid of being so. Then I decided to do some sports regularly. I did sports just for fun, but I could loose some weight. J

I did not remember when I could not longer enjoy sports as things to have fun, but merely a compulsory. I HAVE TO EXERCISE. PERIOD!!!

When I got back to Indonesia, I soon rejoined my old gym. I went to the gym five times a week – each day I spent around two hours exercising: combining running, biking, and weightlifting, and sometimes with aerobic too. I was quite obsessed with “working on my muscle.

I pushed myself too hard – maybe since long time ago, I did the same.

But I forgot two things to build: MIND and SOUL.

I never had a quiet mind. My mind was always busy thinking – and might be over thinking. I never let my mind resting; especially for the last two years.

My soul was so barren – I’ve been far away from God for a quite sometimes. I never had peace in heart. My heart was too busy as well t o get what I want – I have too much wants.

I was just so busy, too busy. Never resting. I was always rushing. Rushing.

Then, my body, mind, and soul screamed at the same time: STOP IT, I COULD NOT STAND IT ANYMORE!

Now, I began to understand the balance of  body, mind, and soul. I focused on “body” for so long, but ignored “mind and soul”. I made exercises/sports no longer as a medium to have fun like it used to be. I could not do that. I need to balance it with rekindle mind and soul.

PS: Dr. Huh suggested me to stop running and biking (at least for three months). 

Sojourn

A house at Battery area -Charleston, SC.

I’m currently living with my aunty: my dad’s younger sister. It’s been a month. Finally, after years of asking me to move in with her, I agreed to live with her. Well, I asked her to let me live in here – I was so terrified of living by myself after what had happened.

It was Thursday afternoon when I called my uncle in panic and frantically. I called my mom minutes early, I was crying. I asked my uncle to pick me up. I had been sick for a couple of days in Nadia’s house (my good fellow at college and the owner of my rented-room). But that day, I was so afraid and terrified. I condition was really bad: I was so thin and pale. I was sweating the whole time. My head felt like spinning around all the time. My stomach was lurching with acid. I could feel my whole body like “wrecking.” I really wanted to cry. I did cry, and this shocked everybody who knows me. I don’t remember the last time I cry, especially crying in front of my mom and my aunty. Even my niece commented, “I never see her crying… “ They took me to their house that afternoon. I just left my all belongings in my rented room (they’re still there now, I need to get them this month).

I uncle picked me up. I was planning to stay with them for a couple of days till I got better. Well, my plan changed then. I decided to live with them, and my parents are so happy this decision. Besides there are people who will take care of me, my parents are happy since I can feel living back to the society again. It’s been a while for me to live by my own. I spent 11 years in Surabaya all by myself, then two years in St. Louis. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I’ve been too far away from my family.

So, I’m living with my aunty, her husband, her 14 years old daughter, and a female cat named Putih (White). Next to her house are the in laws: two brothers in law, a sister in law, and a father in law (having Alzheimer). This house is quite full of dynamic – a household dynamic, you all know well.

Although my aunt’s house is quite far from my workplace (about one hour), it would not a problem (hopefully – I haven’t gone back to work since). Right now, my recovery process is the main priority. I feel contented and warmed living with my family. And, another good thing: due to my treatment with Dr. Huh and I’m having a strict diet, I can prepare my own meal. If I still live in the boarding house, it would be more difficult to meet the need. J

What I Miss from St. Louis

Apartment Kitchen

4383

Kitchen is my sanctuary place: a place where I spent hours to release my stress and nerve wrecking due to studying. There stands pantry – my pantry where I store tons of spices, all kinds of pasta – angel hair, penne, and macaroni. Also, a lovely stove where I could bake cookies and cakes. If I open the fridge, I’d be delightful to see my cheese collection. Sweet!

PS: off course I miss my room –with the fragrance from artisan candles – and my roomies, a person who can make an awesome Thai spicy sauce aka sambel.

Library

Library is the most memorable place at school to me. I could still describe all the things there: the front yard, the benches, the entrance, the lobby, and even the smell. I hanged out most compared to other places at school,

I used 3^rd floor to use computer, do the homework, see people, and make friends.

I used 4^th floor to sleep (a quick nap)

Thomas Jefferson Library, UMSL

I used 5^th floor to poo (lol – habis paling sepi sih).

Whole Foods Market

It one of the best places on earth!!! As I walked in the store, I could see buckets of flowers on my left. The fragrance from flowers well-mixed with the smell of fresh-baked deli. All kinds of fruits also welcomed me. I walked through the fruit and veggie aisles, and the cheese aisle was next to them. Every time I was in this aisle, I was always astonished with hundreds of the cheese collection. I always summed up my visits to Whole Foods with having lunch or dinner at the deli bar. The foods were just too good to be true; you could choose anything you want to eat, then cashier would measure your food. Kale was my favorite item. As it was a paradise to me, I never minded to spend hours to get there (I took two train lines – red and blue – and walked more than a mile from the station. It’s quite far from my place…

De Loop and Forest Park

Kayak's that overlooks Forest Park

I usually took a long walk through these routes: De Loop – Forest Park. From UMSL North metro station, I usually got off at Delmar station, then walked along de Loop: smelling great scents from restaurants along the way such as Pi Pizzeria. Occasionally (when the weather was nice), I would go to Kayak’s Coffee for a cup of cappuccino and sat outdoor for an hour or two: watching the passersby and sexy joggers at FP. Then, I would continue walking through miles park, and took a train home from FP station.  

Great Cappuccino Along the Way


Although I don't drink coffee these days, I can make a good list of the best cappuccino I enjoyed along the way. Cappuccino was (still is) my favorite drink from coffee. I love the blended between coffee, milk, and foam at the end. It tastes really good. While sipping it, I can enjoyed the ginger cookies or something else. Perfect drink for a perfect moment. Hayyyyaaaaahhhh. Compared to other coffee drinks, cappuccino could be a little bit pricey. I guess because of the blended of milk and coffee. 


I'm making the ranking by excluding franchise coffee shops like Kayak, Panera, Peets, Illy, and others. Most of the list are locally-owned business (as far as I know). Great coffee does not mean that the coffee is great, but also the ambience.


So, here is the list:


Cafe Berlin, Columbia, Missouri, USA

Berlin Cafe Cappuccino


The best of all goes to Cafe Berlin's cappuccino. This cafe locates next to Wabash station. It's locally-owned and ran by a family (the same owner with Root Cellar grocery if I'm not mistakenly heard). Aside from good coffee and cappuccino, this place is well-known of its omelet and waffle. Therefore, this place is a perfect place for your brunch. It only opens over the weekend (from Friday evening-Sunday). 

I went to this place for the first time on my 31th birthday. I was so damn sleepy that morning after had a late night sleep and woken up early in the morning to have a Iedul Adha prayers. I enjoyed my birthday brunch with a couple of strangers I knew that day and one good friend. So, whenever I visited Columbia, I would not miss to stop by to this cafe. 

Pony Espresso, SSB 2nd Floor, University of Missouri, St. Louis (UMSL), St. Louis, USA

Shannon's


Well, I had this cappuccino almost every day. Shannon is my favorite and best barista all the time. This cappuccino was really my soul to keep my eyes awake during my evening classes. Shannon and her café are savior for me and most of my classmates. I took my friends who came to town to taste the cappuccino and they could not agree more. Thank you Shannon!




Smile Cafe, downtown Summerville, South Carolina, USA


It was coincidence to stop by at this cafe. It was Sunday and K's family brought me to the church with them. I was staying with them during Spring break 2012. So, instead of leaving me alone at home with Max, Fatty, and Little Miss, they were taking me as well to the church. After the mass, K's father was attending Sunday school. So, K decided bringing me to take a walk along the park and old houses to the town hall. All the stores close on Sunday since people would choose to go to church or spend their time with their family. 


I was so sleepy (always)... lol. K told me that there's a cafe at the corner but she was not sure whether the cafe opens or closes. We just headed there without too much hope. It opened that day! So, I grabbed a cup of medium size of cappuccino and macaroon. They're just SO DAMN GOOD!!! Bitter and sweet went well together. Hahahaha. 




Creamery, the Biltmore House, Asheville, North Carolina, USA

It is part of the Biltmore House Complex. Besides cappuccino, this place is mainly well-known of its bread pudding and ice cream. The chefs made the foods based on the Biltmore family’s secret recipes. Situated with Cedric Tavern and winery, this place was just so perfect!

The Hut, San Francisco, CA, USA

The Hut is part of Golden Gate Natural Reserve Area. I found this café coincidentally. I was waiting my three friends. Boring. So, I decided to walk around, and there she was, the café was there. I came inside, grabbed one medium cup, and enjoyed it in the cloudy and foggy day. San Francisco was just so gray.  

Common Ground, downtown Denver, CO, USA

Grabbed a cup there during my West Coast road trip in the cold morning. I found this café by myself. I had Peets one hour earlier. In fact, I haven’t finished my Peets. But I remembered that I was at the downtown and tried to find this café. Adrian was my barista. He gave me extra foam when he knew that I was going to take the picture from my coffee.

Millcreek Coffee, Salt City Airport, Utah, USA

I was back again to SLC for my connecting flight from Las Vegas to St. Louis. It was around dusk. After enjoying the beautiful scenery of Utah and SLC, we touched down at the airport. I was half awake because of lack of sleeping and tired. I saw this coffee shop, and I walked in. Grabbed one medium cup, and got also some bars of homemade chocolate. Their chocolate was just so great!

Ted’s Bulletin, Washington DC

I would say, Ted’s cappuccino was just so-so. But, this place was an epic. Founded years ago, this place is well-known for its burger. Even President Obama usually grabbed his cheese burger from this place. If you sit outside, you may see street musicians play some jazz next to Ted’s.

Intel's -downtown Chicago.

Aside from those cappuccino served by several different local stores, during fall break 2011, I enjoyed two cups of cappuccino in two different places. Good ones, though not the best one. One was “Intelegentsia” in downtown Chicago (closed to the Millennium Park), and another one was in Madison, Wisconsin. I forgot the name of the store in Madison. 

I forgot the name of the shop.. J

Madison was such a small capital town – and it was near to Thanksgiving. The stores at the downtown were about to close. With three friends, we were walking aimlessly – from one store to another to see cute stuffs. Then, I saw a coffee shop. So, we went inside and had some cups. Well, the store also served free bread crump. J

Visit to Doctor Huh's

I can still remember vividly to my first visit to Dr. Huh's clinic. It was Saturday 13th. Arlene took me there after my uncle dropped me outside XO Suki Ngesong. I could not remember how I looked at that time, but I do remember that I felt so weak and restless after poor sleep for several weeks (then people told me that my face looked so pale and white!).

I was taken to a treatment room. Arlene was there for me. Yani, Dr. Huh's nurse check my BP. She was shocked to find out that my BP. It was 150/100! She hurriedly called Dr. Huh. Dr. Huh came to the room and asked me to undress my t-shirt, then he carefully checked my pulse rate and heart beat. It was 115 in one minute. I could see his face so worried. Arlene explained that I'd been to a doctor and acupuncture before. Then Yani asked me whether I'd taken the medicine. I explained my situation with my previous doctor, then Yani asked me to take the pills and relax. "We'll see if your BP would go down.... "Initially, Dr. Huh refused to treat me to seeing my situation. They left the room. I did not know what's happening outside my room. I heard Dr. Huh also checked Rey's BP and heart beat. I was left alone in the room for 15 minutes, almost fell a sleep.

They're back, and checked my BP. My BP went down to 130/80. Then Dr. Huh started to treat me. He put 19 acupuncture needles in my body. Then, they left me alone again for 30 minutes.

After I was done with the treatment, Arlene walked in the room. She explained in a soft but clear voice: "You could get stroke if you came late for the treatment. You've been with high BP for a quite sometimes. So, the treatment may take around 2-3 months. You're lucky as your BP went down. As it was not, Dr. Huh might ask you to go to Emergency Room... " I was shocked, but felt a little bit relief. I can still be treated. It's OK if it's gonna take sometimes. Arlene also told me about the cost for the treatment. She needed to explain in advance since it could be consider a little bit costly. I said yes to the cost.

baked brie at Sixpence Cafe, Savannah.
(kinda miss this food)

If I recall the first visit to Dr. Huh's office, I was still quite terrified. But it's OK now. This visit is the beginning of the strict diet I'm currently doing. I need to see him twice a week for a treatment. Well, he does not only treat for my BP, but also for my acute gastritis. Also, he did a chiropractic to my back last Monday! :)

PS: I cooked Indonesian chicken soup today! It tastes really GOOD.

Salt and Coffee

deep dish pizza at Pi Pizzeria, St. Louis

It's been 10 days I'm on a strict diet based on Dr. Huh's suggestion. I can't eat something hot and spicy, sour, fried and grilled foods, and too salty foods. In addition, I can't drink alcohol, coffee, and drink from fermented rice and cassava. Some fruits must be avoided such as durian and jackfruit (no problem, I'm not their big fan). Also, I need to avoid all instant and processed foods (No problem at all). Besides all those foods, I can eat everything such as fruits, vegetables, meats, and fish.

It is a problem to have a strict diet?
Yes, and No.

Well, it's not about the kind of foods you eat. I get used to avoid some kinds of foods since I had been a semi-vegetarian for more than two years. But the problems lie on the "can't eat hot & spicy and sour" :P. I'm a big fan of something spicy and sour, especially during the PMS (Pre-Menstruation Syndrome). My mouth wants to crave or eat something spicy and hot; something that really makes me mouthwatering... :)). As a foodie, I like foods with rich flavor. I don't like something too salty, but I love something tasty! I can imagine, how food in a plate could be tasted really really good or not. Also, as a foodie, I've traveled to several places in and outside Indonesia and tasted traditional and ethnic foods. I love foods in general. Food is not just something you can eat to make your tummy full, but it's an art. It's hard to how tell that food is an art. But it is. During my study time in St. Louis, kitchen was my sanctuary place and food blogs could light up my hard times.

Avoiding fried foods sometimes become a huge problem too. Well, since I was a kid, like most Indonesian, we grew up with fried foods, like tempe goreng, tahu goreng, ikan goreng, bakwan, kerupuk, etc. All those fried foods make everything so delicious. We don't use to with everything boiled and steamed.

My favorite cappuccino at Kayak's Coffee

Prohibiting drinking coffee and al is no longer a problem. I quitted drinking coffee and al (this one, I swear, I will NEVER touch it again). Coffee was my favorite drink. I was well-known as a coffee lover. Wherever I traveled, I always looked for the best coffee shops in town. As I traveled in Indonesia, I always bought coffee as souvenir for friends, family, and myself. During my time in St. Louis, I drank 2 to 3 cups each day. And people were really astonished in a way I made my coffee (two  spoons of grounded coffee for one medium cup). Crazy was not it? :P.

For al, I was an occasional-social drinker. I usually drank at home (I took red wine all the time), and I drank outside, like in a pub or friends' houses whenever I felt convenient with people around me. For me, quitting this one is NOT a PROBLEM at all.

Since my food is so specific, no one would have enough time to cook for me (I live with my aunt and she's busy working during the day. She does not have much time to cook. She usually just buys ready foods or cooks something simple or cooks in the evening for the rest of the family members). So, I need to cook by myself!. Well, I love it, although cooking all natural would make my brain confusing. What should I cook? What spices I should put on the foods? That's a big problem. They foods usually come up with plain and tasteless, LoL. In order to create a fresh foods and a little bit rich in flavor, bandeng is my savior. I can make asem-asem bandeng, it's the most glorious food these days.

All people around me take a pity look on me.. :)). Yeah, am I miserable? Not really. As I avoiding those foods (especially grilled and fried), I could see that my skin becomes lighter). And, I would have this kind of strict diet for about 3 months.. :)).

Wish me luck, guys.

PS: I should  have told you, that I lost a few pounds due to this diet since I also have difficulty in craving snacks. I crave no snack...

Recent Life: SICK

I've been sick for several days. I got hypertension. One thing that I was really afraid of since years ago. Now it happens.

Deep in my heart I was still curious why. Yeah, why? I exercise regularly and I'm a semi-vegetarian. But nothing is impossible.

I did and planned everything well... It seemed like "I won't get sick since I follow the rules of healthy life... " But many things were missing: I never have time to take enough rest. I was just too busy with working, meeting (other) people, and having fun outside home. I did not have enough time for just doing nothing and being with my family. I've been away from them too long.

Now that I'm sick, I'm back to my family. And I see how these things really have roles in my phsycology.

I don't think I can write more this time. My brain needs a lot of rest!

Lama Tidak Menulis. Apa Coba?

Aha, iyaaaa... aku lama tidak menulis. Apa alasanku coba?

"Aku sibuk" Itulah alasanku. Aku sibuk dengan tugas-tugas kuliah. Aku sibuk dengan urusan ini dan itu. Aku sibuk dengan membaca banyak artikel. Aku sibuk dengan semuanya. Aku sangat sibuk sehingga aku tidak sempat menulis di blog. Aku juga sudah lama tidak menulis di baltyra.com. Aku juga sudah lama tidak menulis note di FB. Aku juga sudah lama tidak meng-update dotcom ku. Aku sudah lama ini tidak ini dan tidak itu.

Aku sudah kehilangan sifat usil dan pikiran aneh-anehku.

Kinda miss those feelings. Aku harus menulis lagi.

Hi Entahlah

Entahlah, apa yang sedang aku rasakan saat ini. Ujian Mikroekonomi nanti sore. Well, ini adalah ujian kedua. Kabar buruk dengan ujian pertamaku. Aku tidak ingin ujian keduaku menjadi kabar buruk bagiku. Aku ingin sebuah kabar bagus setelah beberapa saat terakhir ini didera dengan kabar kurang bagus. Aku sedang ada di Lab Econs, by the way. Ruangan tumben agak lengang. Mahasiswa PhD Econs yang biasanya ramai berdiskusi di ruangan pojok, sedang dalam kondisi tenang dan larut dalam kertas kerjanya masing-masing. Seorang cowok sedang presentasi di papan putih di pojok. Yang lainnya duduk di sekitarnya. Tetapi tidak terlalu keras suaranya. Agak lengang.

Ada James, teman yang kebetulan enrolled dua kelas yang sama denganku, sedang larut dalam komputernya. Mungkin dia sedang mengerjakan tugas Statistik. Kadang-kadang dia berbicara dengan orang di sebelahnya.

Sialan, gw mulai ngantuk nih. Seperti ini aku butuh kopi segar setelah ketemu dengan Professor Kosnik sore ini sebelum ujian. Aku benar-benar butuh kopi. Oh kopi, oh teman baikku, oh kekasihku *lebay ahhh..*

Sudah ahhh...

Night @ Surabaya

Jam menunjukkan 22.10 WIB. Aku masih terduduk dengan manis di ruangan direktur. Berarti, aku hanya duduk di ruangan ini dan memanfaatkan komputer dan internetnya, hehehehe.

Acara sudah besok lusa. Tapi, entahlah... tidak seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya yang sangat ramai dan meriah, tahun ini mendadak menjadi agak adem. Setiap tahunnya, kita bagaikan Sisiphus, yang menaikkan batu ke atas gunung, lalu kemudian didorong lagi turun dari gunung. Besoknya, ketika matahari terbit, dia akan mengulangi hal yang sama.

Tidakkah kita berpikir, bahwa pada umumnya manusia adalah Sisiphus. Mereka selalu melakukan hal yang sama setiap harinya. Kadangkala juga mengulangi kesalahan yang sama. Manusia yang tidak pernah belajar dari kesalahan-kesalahan yang ada. Kadang, memang seperti itu.

Saat-saat malam, dan mengetik di kantor, mungkin akan menjadi hal yang sangat aku rindukan. Bekerja di "jam-jam aneh", kadangkala juga sangat menyenangkan. Keindahan kota ini sebenarnya akan bisa dinikmati hanya pada malam hari. Kota ini berubah sebagaimana layaknya kota kunang-kunang. Kota yang sangat indah...

10 tahun hidup dan besar di kota ini menjadi hal yang sangat menyenangkan. Yah, sebagai kota besar, kota ini tidak terlalu mengecewakan. Aku akan pasti merindukan Surabaya. Semuanya yang ada di kota ini. Makanannya, tempat-tempat yang biasa disinggahi, teman-temanku, dan semuanya deh.. bahkan sedikit kemacetannya.

Malam yang (tidak) Penting

Rabu malam, di tengah himpitan dua paper UTS dan bagian nulis di kolom, masih saja mengiyakan ajakan teman untuk bertemu. Lha, saya selalu tidak nolak tuh.... Lagian, memang sudah dari minggu sebelumnya janjian akan bertemu, untuk membahas rencana liburan kami. Tapi, pas Selasanya, dapat info dari Mak Ni kalau ada konser Ungu di Sheraton. Dia, lagi dapat tugas peliputan disana. Akhirnya, kita bertiga setuju nonton Ungu dulu setelah itu baru hang out sekalian bahas rencana kita. Sebenarnya, bukan nonton Ungu-nya yang penting, tetapi hang out sama mereka menjadi lebih penting. Jujur, aku tidak kenal siapa itu Ungu. Tahu sih, but I'm not his big FAN!

Baru selesai aku janjian sama mereka, aku SMS si Nyonya cerita tentang rencana nonton konser Ungu. Dia mau ngikut sekalian. Dia mau tahu bagaimana kalau handle pers con. Jadinya dia ikut dan aku mintakan tiket ke Mak Ni. Kata Mak Ni, akan dikabari besok paginya karena dia malu minta banyak tiket gratisan... :p. Tapi, akhirnya si Nyonya dapat tiket juga.

Jadilah kita berlima datang ke konser. Si Nyonya berangkat sama Mak Ni, secara rumah dia dekat dengan kantor Mak Ni. Aku berangkat disamperin Nad dan Soph seperti biasa.

Ketika sampai di hotel yang dituju, acara belum mulai juga. Mak Ni dan Nyonya juga belum tiba. Kami bertiga menunggu di depan ruangan tempat acara. Ada satu hal yang mengherankan kami, kenapa semua orang pada merokok? Padahal, ini acara di ruangan ber AC! Kami heran, ada apa ya?

Setelah Mak NI datang, kita baru tahu, kalau acara itu disponsori oleh perusahaan rokok S, dan itu acara ditujukan kepada para perokok memangnya.... Waaaaa... kita akhirnya ngakak deh. Salah tempat deh kayaknya, secara Nyonya dan aku tidak tahan dengan asap rokok. Ya sudahlah, akhirnya kita masuk juga.

Ruangan penuh dengan asap. Kita seperti masuk ke dalam ruangan gas ala Nazi Hilter. Namun, si Ungunya belum tampil juga. Harus menunggu juga. Jaketku aku jadikan penutup hidung. 15 menit menunggu, akhirnya nyanyi juga si Pasha. Dia menyanyikan lagu "Melayang". Nah, setelah mendengarkan lagu ini, aku benar-benar melayang karena asap rokok,. dan memutuskan kleuar dari ruangan. Nyonya mengikutiku. Akhirnya kami minumm coklat panas dan vanila panas di Coffee Bean. Menunggu Nad, Soph dan Mak Ni.

Ion dan Rebonding

Note: akhirnya, sempat lagi menginjakkan tulisan tangan di blog ini setelah sekian lama... :D

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Ketika sedang ngobrol dengan teman di YM, dia tiba2 berbicara tentang rambut Charlie ST 12 yang rambutnya di-ion. Persis Baim Wong jaman dulu, kata temanku. Mekso banget ga sih? Lanjutnya...

Lalu, tiba-tiba saja semua ingatan melayang ketika jaman-jaman kuliah dulu. Kala itu tahun 2001 kalau tidak salah. Ion dan rebonding tiba-tiba saja menjadi trend diantara kita. Banyak orang melakukan rebonding. Ada Iit, Nova, Wulan, Judith, Emmy, sampai dengan para cowok seperti Mo, Eko dan Kobo yang notabene berambut agak keriting.

Si Nova malah bela-belain rebonding sampai ke Probolinggo. Si Emmy ngajak anak-anak rebonding ke salon S di Pondok Candra - Si S ini kemudian meninggal karena ketika menjadi salon langganan anak-anak mengidap HIV-AIDS-

Rambut si Iit kemudian di ion sampai dia disebut bak Sadako -hantu perempuan dalam film Ring O di Jepang, sangat populer dan menakutkan kala itu- Terus kemudian si Emmy. Ada cerita lucu tentang si Emmy dan rambut keritingnya. Dulu, sebelum ada tren ion, Emmy selalu meluruskan rambutnya dengan cara disetrika. Bayangkan, dia meletakkan rambutnya ke meja setrikaan, dan mulai menyeterika rambutnya. Aku tidak bisa membayangkan ketika itu.

Lalu, di kubu para cowok, ada Mo, Eko dan Kobo. Mereka termasuk para cowok yang memiliki rambut keriting dan agak keriting. Hasilnya, mereka ke kampus dengan rambut-rambut yang dipaksakan menjadi "lurus". Geli juga melihatnya kala itu.... Entah dimana mereka melakukan pelurusan rambut... :p

I Miss This Blog

I miss this blog. It's been long time write nothing. Where have I been? Do I move somewhere to spill out all the ideas in my head? Or just the junks I have?

Yes, my head are full of junks of mind. I need to keep it sane.

My Retreat

Kamis

Bangun tidur dengan kepala sangat berat dan perasaan tidak enak. Rasa ini membuatku membatalkan niat puasa sekalligus tidak pergi ke gym untuk morning training. Kamis, biasanya adalah hari aerobik semi yoga. Hari itu, aku juga tidak ke kantor. Ruteku hari itu, hanya kos-warnet-kos. Kalau cek email bisa dari HP, tapi entah aku ingin ke warnet. 

Sisa hari lainnya, aku habiskan dengan membaca Lembah Abadi (Eeuwige Vallei), kumpulan puisi "perjalanan" Sitor Situmorang. Hadiah Lebaran dari seorang teman. Puisi itu menandai ulang tahun ke-80 Sitor Situmorang. Jadi, ingat dalam tradisi Belanda (Sitor beristrikan orang Belanda, Barbara Brower), 80 tahun dianggap sebagai tahapan usia yang penting. Mereka akan mendapatkan 80 bunga mawar (tachtig rozen). Dengan berusia 80 tahun, seseorang dianggap telah menjalani semua kesempurnaan hidup. 

Malamnya, aku mendapatkan maag-ku kambuh. Hebat sangat.

Jum'at

Bulik Surip pulang ke Tulungagung. Zalini dan Ayuni pergi ke Jogjakarta. Praktis, tinggal M dan aku di rumah. Itupun, kita seperti hidup di dunia berbeda. M di rumah induk, dan aku di pavilliun. 

Hari itu, mendung sejak pagi. Yang aku lakukan adalah meneruskan membaca buku Sitor. Agak susah paham juga. Karena memang dari awal, aku tidak terlalu paham puisi. Tetapi, bahasa Belanda-nya lumayan. Bisa, sambil memperdalam pengertian bahasa Belanda ini dan itu kalau di puisi. 

Perutku masih sangat sakit hari itu. Kepalaku juga masih sangat pusing, dan disorientasi. Hati masih mendung, semendung cuaca di luar. Matahari baru tampak cerah di sore hari. 

Sabtu

Retreat di hari ketiga. Akhirnya, sudah mulai melihat dunia luar. Pagi-pagi, pergi ke gym. Latihan sampai dengan jam 10. Lalu, terus berbelanja kecil di Superindo. Yah, boodschappen doen seperti biasanya. Membeli kebutuhan dapur dan kulkas. 

Seorang teman menelpon di sore hari, mengajak menonton New Moon. Aku sebenarnya tidak menolak. Tetapi, menolak untuk antri tiket. Kalau dia mau, dia yang mengantri tiket. Dan, dia tidak keberatan. Hari ini, aku lebih banyak membaca Unlikely Destinations. Bagaimana suka dan duka Tony dan Maureen Wheeler membangun The Lonely Planet, seluk beluk bisnis mereka, hubungan mereka dengan para penulis dan sebagainya. 

Akhirnya, si teman tidak dapat tiket. Dan, kebetulan, malam minggu hujan sangat deras. Sampai, jam 8 malam, aku baru sadar, kalau air mau masuk rumah. Akhirnya, tidur lebih awal, dan tidak sempat menyalakan laptop. Malam aku mimpi agak aneh. Entah, mimpi apa itu. Mungkin, pengaruh otak yang kacau.

Minggu

Hari Minggu, pagi dengan kepala yang cerah. Ada semacam satu insight baru. Jam 5 sudah bangun, tetapi ketiduran kembali. Jam 7 baru bangun 100 persen. Lalu, sarapan roti gandum yang rasanya kok menjadi agak aneh ya? Minum teh madu, dan berangkat ke gym lagi. Jam 12.30 baru cabut dari gym, dan terus berselancar ke dunia maya. Sampai jam 2. 

Dan, sekarang, sudah kembali ke dunia nyata. Duduk di sebuah warung kopi, menunggu teman. Seperti biasa, temanku yang satu ini selalu telat....

Entahlah, besok apa lagi yang terjadi dalam hidupku. Aku tidak tahu. Hanya, aku harus menghadapinya dengan berani. 

It Is Cloudy In Surabaya

Hari ini, Ahmad Yani mendung. Tetapi, belum tampak tanda-tanda langit akan memutahkan tangisnya.

Tadi pagi masih panas. Gerah. Bahkan, ketika bangun tidur gerah sudah tidak terelakkan. Hujan memang datang telat tahun ini.

Mengapa hujan selalu dirindukan?
Karena hujan membawa kesejukan.
Karena hujan membawa bau tanah.
Karena hujan membawa kesuburan tanah.

Mengapa hujan tidak diinginkan?
Karena hujan selalu membawa persaan gloomy dan sedih.
Karena hujan selalu kelabu.
Karena hujan, kadang membawa banjir.

Tapi, saat ini, aku mengingkan hujan.
Untuk membasuh habis kemarau panjang.
Untuk membasuh habis semua dosa-dosa.

Karena aku tetap tahu, dalam hujan selalu ada kesejukan.

Tales of Our Friendship

Last night, I went online. Coincidentally, Bebe and Tika were online too. Sudah lama aku tidak online dengan mereka berdua. Bebe sedang menapaki kehidupan sebagai pelajar di Essex University (UK). Selain itu, ada perbedaan waktu tujuh jam. Tika sibuk dengan virtual farming-nya. Sepertinya dia online, tetapi tidak pernah membalas kalau disapa. Akhirnya, kita mengobrol tentang banyak hal. Biasalah, cewek pasti bergosip. Tentang kehidupan baru Bebe di Essex, tentang kuliahnya, tentang teman-teman di flat dia. Dan, tentu saja tentang siapa yang keren di kampusnya. Juga tentang Surabaya, tentang Jakarta dan kehidupan pribadi kita masing-masing. Begitulah, akhirnya kami mengobrol beberapa lama. Bisa mengobati kerinduan kepada mereka. Terakhir kali kami bertiga berkumpul Agustus 2008. Ketika itu Bebe dan aku transit perjalanan kita ke Bangkok.

Delapan tahun yang lalu, aku mulai mengenal baik keduanya. Benecia Eriana Magno (Bebe) dan Kartika Candra (Tika). Mereka berdua bershio ayam dan aku bershio monyet. Artinya, aku yang tertua. Tika menjadi yang termuda, karena dia lahir di bulan Agustus dan Bebe lahir di bulan Januari.

Dari list banyak teman di dunia ini, mereka menempati list yang “paling yang dirindukan”.

Baiklah, aku mulai perjalanan dengan Bebe. Bebe adalah satu tahun lebih senior dibandingkan aku. Tetapi, dia lebih muda daripada aku. Pertemuanku dengan Bebe waktu itu di gazebo FISIP. Kalau tidak salah 2001. Ketika itu, dia baru saja kembali dari bangku kuliah paska referendum di Timor Leste. Dia memilih melanjutkan kuliahnya di Universitas Airlangga dibandingkan menjadi diplomat karier kala itu. Padahal, dia sudah terpilih dan siap-siap untuk ditempatkan. Bertahun kemudian, aku tanya alasan dia untuk memilih kembali ke Unair daripada menjadi diplomat, dan apakah dia tidak menyesal. Dia bilang tidak. Keinginannya waktu itu hanya melanjutkan kuliah. “Kalau aku tidak kembali ke kampus, aku kan tidak akan bertemu dengan Tika dan kamu”. Kita mulai dekat ketika dia memberiku tais. Yaitu, selendang khas Timor Leste. Setelah itu, kita menjadi sering ngobrol dan ternyata kita tertarik dengan hal yang sama, sastra. Begitulah, akhirnya kita menjadi dekat.

Sekarang dengan Tika. Kalau Bebe adalah kakak kelasku, Tika adalah adik kelasku. Kita mulai dekat pada 2002. Waktu itu, dia dan dua orang temannya sedang mempersiapkan makalah untuk dibawa ke pertemuan nasional. Seorang teman dan aku mereview tulisan mereka. Tapi sering aku coret disana dan disini plus omelan dari aku. Sok banget waktu itu, hehehe. Akhirnya, kita menjadi dekat juga, karena kita juga sama-sama tertarik dengan sastra! Tika punya catatan tersendiri bagaimana dia dekat dengan Bebe. Ketika kita mulai dekat itu, aku sudah agak jarang ke kampus. Lebih banyak diam di rumah dan mengerjakan skripsi, hehe.

Tapi, beberapa hal kemudian menyatukan kami. Sastra dan absurditas. Oh, betapa kami suka bekhayal (sampai sekarang ternyata masih suka ngayal juga). Kalau suatu sore kami minum teh dicampur madu, dan makan cookies buatan Mama Bebe, kita berpura-pura sedang ada di sebuah apartemen di Paris, dan memandang Sungai Seine. Sambil memandang Gereja Norte Dame. Kenapa Paris? Waktu itu, kita adalah pengagum Sarte dan Foucault… hahaha.

Kami bertiga, suka mengobrol masalah sastra, buku, politik, budaya, musik, dan tentu saja tentang lelaki. Ketika kami tidak terlalu bokek, kami paling suka makan sate dan gulai kambing di sebelah Apotik Kimia Farma di Jalan Darmawangsa. Sate dan gulai disana paling enak. Setelah makan sate dan gule, biasanya kami langsung kepanasan dan berkeringat.

Selama saling mengenal ini, kami mulai mengenal sifat masing-masing. Sifat yang baik atau yang buruk. Mereka berdua, sangat santai dalam segala hal. Sementara aku sering dianggap “serius” dan teratur. Pernah dalam suatu masa, kami janjian untuk nonton pertunjukan teater atau film, aku sudah lupa. Kami sepakat ketemu di kampus jam 18.30 di gazebo FISIP. Aku tunggu sampai dengan jam 19.00 mereka berdua belum muncul. Akhirnya, aku meninggalkan tempat itu, dengan ngamuk. Dalam perjalanan pulang, aku menemukan mereka sedang ngobrol dengan beberapa orang di warung kopi. Langsung saja, aku pilih ngacir dan tidak jadi nonton teater malam itu. Hehehe. Intinya, aku ngamuk. Mereka berdua kebingungan. Kalau dipikir-pikir, aku memang orang yang ngamukan. Semua kadang minta presisi dan tepat waktu, hehe. Seperti hidupku yang sangat teratur.

Tidak selamanya hubungan kami baik-baik saja. Sering kami berselisih paham dan “sedikit duel” seperti adegan terakhir Bebe dengan aku perkara “celana pendek” dan “hooker” di Pattaya. Semuanya berakhir juga dengan baik. Karena kita, mengatakan dengan apa adanya. Tidak perlu jaim. Karena itulah, kita bisa mengenal dengan lebih baik.

Kami juga sering tidak setuju dengan pilihan-pilihan hidup Tika. Atau beberapa keputusan Bebe. Atau kekeraskepalaanku dalam beberapa hal. Tapi, kita menghargai keputusan masing-masing orang. Kita hanya sahabat. Yang berusaha untuk saling mengingatkan. Pasti ada ketika kita saling dibutuhkan. Kami juga tidak berkomunikasi dengan intens. Tidak setiap hari harus kotak mereka dan mengetahui mereka sedang melakukan apa. Bagi kami, yang terpenting, kami selalu ada satu sama lain. Bisa saling melengkapi. Lalu, kita kembali pada kehidupan masing-masing. Bebe dengan kehidupan barunya di Essex. Tika bergulat dengan Jakarta. Dan aku, yang sudah mulai bosan dengan pelukan Surabaya.

PS: posting ke-100

Tragedi Moslem Meal

Barangkali, karena katrok dan tidak pernah mengalami long flight ke negara-nya Obama, tanda MML di tiket pulang NWA aku acuhkan. Aku, dan beberapa temanku tidak care saja dengan notice itu. Tragedi datang ketika makan sore kita, dari Detroit (USA) ke Narita (Jepang). Dalam perjalanan pulang ini, aku mendapatkan makanan terlebih dahulu. Heran. Tumben cepat. Biasanya, agak lama baru diberikan.

Yang ada di depan mejaku adalah makanan dibungkus dalam aluminium foil. Di dalamnya, aku buka, berisi dal! Itu, makanan India yang berasal dari kacang hijau, yang dimasak dengan bumbu semacam kari. Terus, ditambah dengan sayuran. Menurutku, seperti bayam yang dimasak sangat nyunyut. Ditambah dengan kentang rebus. What the hell is this? Karena hanya itu yang diberikan, akhirnya, aku makan saja hidangan itu. Tidak lama kemudian, cewek Jepang di sebelah kiriku dan bule botak di sebelah kananku mendapakan makanan. Mereka bisa memilih diantara beberapa menu. Beef, or chicken. Mereka lalu makan beef, chicken dan omlette dengan nikmatnya. Aku harus berjuang keras untuk menghabiskan makanan vegetarianku!

Ketika tiba saat mengudap, yang datang di hadapanku adalah beberapa biji wortel dan anggur. Duuhh....Seperti kelinci, aku makanan kudapan "sehat" itu. Dua orang di sebelahku, mendapatkan burger. Dan, mereka makan dengan nikmatnya. kraus...kraus..kraus...

Ketika makan besar kedua, masih pula kami mendapatkan moslem meal. Aku sudah lupa apa saja menunya. Tetapi, tidak jauh-jauh berbeda dengan yang pertama. Masakan rasa kari.... Dengan kentang, kacang hijau, sayuran nyunyut dan roti. Duh, I lost my appetite. Sementara baru omlette masuk ke dalam hidungku. Benar-benar menggoda selera makanku. Oh, I love omlette.

Makan kudapan tahap dua, juga tidak banyak bedanya. Buah...buah..buah..dan kraus-kraus seperti kelinci dan sapi.

Ketika kami ganti pesawat dari Narita ke Bangkok, orang-orang yang mengalami nasib sama sekitar 15 orang. Kami semua protes. Dan, mulailah kami paham apa yang dimaksud dengan MML (Moeslem Meal). Makanan muslim. Makanan yang halal dan non daging. Itulah yang dipahami oleh perusahaan penerbangan luar negeri. Jadi, posisi kita disamakan dengan para vegan. Anehnya, ketika penerbangan pergi ke USA, kami mendapatkan menu biasa.

Akhirnya, kami menjelaskan kepada mas pramugara yang cuakeppppp kalau makanan orang muslim itu berbeda dengan makanan vegetarian. Orang muslim, itu bisa makan ayam, daging, telur atau ikan. Kita hanya tidak diperkenankan makan babi saja. Dan, kita mohon untuk "dibebaskan" dari makan makanan para vegetarian. Karena jujur, kita tersiksa dan tidak bisa menikmati makan, hahaha.

Akhirnya, selesai sudah tragedi moeslem meal tadi. Kita mendapatkan makanan yang sangat lezat, berupa salmon! Dan, seterusnya, sampai Jakarta... Nikmatnya...